Do Not Trip Over Unforgiveness

Don’t trip over your stepping stones.

(All quotes from scripture are from the King James Version unless specified otherwise)

We are afraid of heights.

Jesus calls each of us to “come up higher”.

Revelation 4:1

After this I looked, and, behold, a door [was] opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard [was] as it were of a trumpet talking with me; which said, Come up higher, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter.

Jesus came to raise up sons of God to great glory!

Hebrews 2:10

 For it became him, for whom [are] all things, and by whom [are] all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

We are distracted from our future by the influence of our past.

Entering our destiny is something we must learn how to do.  No one can do it for us.  It is a journey with God.

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

But God hath revealed [them] unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God.

God reveals it to us through our relationship with Him through the Holy Spirit.

We must learn how to “walk with God.”

Amos 3:3

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Jesus calls us into freedom

John 8:32-36

 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

They answered him, We be Abraham’s seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?

Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: [but] the Son abideth ever.

If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

Galatians 5:1

Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

However, we need to understand the truth about our past, and deal with it in truth. Jesus is the truth, and knowing the truth will set us free.

John 8:31-32

Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, [then] are ye my disciples indeed;

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

Bad things do not begin in God. They begin in evil which sprang forth from Satan, resulting in sin, the great spoiler of life.  Forces of evil, working through hearts that agree with evil, cause bad things.

What we agree with has power over our decisions.

Romans 6:16

Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?

Adam & Eve agreed with the snake and lost their authority in the earth and their destinies in the earth.

Step 1 in walking with God is forgiveness. 

Disciples’ prayer:

Matthew 6:9-13 NLT

Pray like this: Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy.

May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us today the food we need,

and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us.

And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.

Jesus emphasizes in the next two verses:

Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

 1) What forgiveness is

– Choosing to release the guilty, because it is better that way.

Note: Society needs the police to investigate and arrest people that do wrong, and the courts to put people on trial and punish the guilty.  They do this so people can live in safety and security.  If they let the guilty go free, it would not be better.  They do it because God has given them that job.

1 Peter 2:13-15

Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

As individuals and as a church, we are to forgive those who wrong us.  That’s what God demonstrated by sending Jesus to die on the cross.  Your debt and my debt are paid in full, because Jesus paid our debt.

2) Forgiveness is a decision.

It’s not a thought, a feeling, or a desire.  It happens by a free decision of the heart.

3) We each have the power of forgiveness.

If you have the power to hold someone in Unforgiveness, you have the power to release them.  When you decide to forgive, they are forgiven.

4) The only remedy for guilt is forgiveness.

Guilt cannot be excused away, justified away, dismissed or explained away by the circumstances.  Doing so is to attempt to conceal wrongdoing.  You make yourself part of a cover-up if you try to reason away guilt.

If we do this with ourselves, we are trying to cover-up our own guilt.  God sees through it and, really, we know in our hearts we have done wrong.  We try to compare what we have done with what other people do, but they are guilty, too.  The only one we are allowed to compare with, the only true standard is Jesus.

“He was under a lot of pressure.”

“She was being blackmailed.”

“He was abused as a boy.”

These make wrongdoing understandable, but they do not change guilt.

Courts call these “extenuating circumstances”, but these only come in at sentencing, after the finding of guilt.

4a) Forgiveness does not mean “it was okay that they did it”.

Forgiveness is NOT denying that a wrong occurred. Forgiveness is deciding not to seek punishment for the one who did wrong.

Romans 12:17-21

Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.

If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but [rather] give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance [is] mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

 5) Forgiveness does not mean “it didn’t matter”.

Forgiveness sets the guilty free.  The guilt is real, because the wrongness of the act was real.

You can’t forgive someone until you acknowledge the fact that they did wrong.

“That’s okay” is not the same as foregiveness. It’s squishy, vague.  It could mean something else.

5a) Forgiveness does not mean “Sin against me doesn’t matter …

(because I don’t matter)”.

You matter and what they did to you matters because you matter, enough to God for Jesus to die on the cross to open a way for you to know God and for God to know you.  You forgiving them does not change any of the that. We are not entitled to God’s forgiveness.  We need God’s forgiveness, and you need to forgive those who did you wrong.

… (because the wrongdoer doesn’t matter).

Also not true.  Jesus, the Lamb of God, came to take away the sin of the world.

John 1:29

The next day John seeth Jesus coming unto him, and saith, Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.

That includes the sins of the perpetrator against you!  Jesus carried all of her / his sins on the cross.  (Selah!  Think on that!)

5b) Forgiveness doesn’t mean you can’t stop wrongdoers or call the police.

If someone hurts you and breaks the law, for the sake of others they may hurt (or may have already hurt) turn them in. Tell the police.  Good people need law breakers to be caught and punished.  It may also be what the offender needs.

However, once you’ve done it, you also need to release them to the courts and to God.

6) Forgiveness does not require the offender to be present to hear you forgive them.

They don’t even have to be alive!  They can be long gone. An ancestor who royally messed up the family history by getting involved in something really horrible. You can forgive them, and may need to forgive them today.

Your decision to forgive has spiritual power.  It changes your spiritual landscape. By forgiveness, you release all claim against the perpetrator.  In the spiritual realm, that claim against the one who hurt you has substance, as real in that domain as this pulpit is in the physical domain. The act of forgiving removes that claim from your life.  It clears away junk that clutters your life and trips you up.

7) Forgiveness does not need to wait until the evil-doer is sorry.

Jesus:

Luke 23:34

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

 

Stephen:

Acts 7:60 NLT

He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge them with this sin!” And with that, he died.

8) Forgiveness does not need to wait until the perpetrator has changed.

While they remain unforgiven, your claim against them works interference in your own life.  It is like a “noxious weed” growing in your heart, something Satan can point to and accuse you to God.

Revelation 12:10

And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

 

Every excuse for not forgiving is a reason for your life to remain blocked from the Life of God flowing in your life. Is that what you want?

8a) Forgiveness does not mean you have to pretend the perpetrator has changed.

They are what they are.  They may still be dangerous, untrustworthy, unsafe; if so, you do not have to trust them.  You are free to – and well advised to – keep your distance from dangerous people.  Forgiving them does not change that.

8b) Forgiveness does not need to wait for anything.

If it hasn’t happened, it’s the very next thing, what needs to happen next.  Everything else God wants to do in your life waits for this thing.

9) Forgiveness is a powerful spiritual weapon against Satan’s plans to destroy your life.

By forgiving, you release yourself from torment by the enemy, bitterness, obsession (being stuck, unable to get beyond your own past)

Matthew 18:23-35

Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took [him] by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

By forgiving, you place your own heart in a place of protection from torment.

Forgive or be unforgiven.

Mark 11:25-26

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. 

Ephesians 4:32

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

We must trust God to set things right.

10) The wrong someone does to you may not be what they did but what they didn’t do.

Maybe they did not give you what you needed from them.  They should have protected you or helped you but did not.

11) Forgiveness spoken aloud has power that silent forgiveness doesn’t have.

Our own hearts need to hear us declare our decision.  It will enable your own heart to get free and stay free.

The spiritual realm hears your declaration of forgiveness, because it will not be able to hurt you like it did when you held unforgiveness in your heart.

12) Your decision to forgive will be tested.

Satan hates forgiveness.  He hates its power to destroy his works. He will argue that you have not forgiven because of

– how you feel, how you habitually think, how you … (fill in the blank).

If you forgave and meant it, say it again!  Mean it again.  Fight for that heart freedom that only forgiving brings, because you are taking your own heart back from satan’s influence, so you can fully enter into your own destiny in God’s Kingdom – SO worth standing up for!

You will likely have to repeat the act of forgiveness until your heart and mind “get it”.

Your decision will be tested.

13) Who must you forgive? People who have sinned against you. This probably includes:

  • Your dad
  • Your mom

– There are no perfect parents except our Father in heaven.  Everyone comes out of childhood with hurts.

  • Other authority figures from your growing years: grandparents, uncles, aunts, teachers, ministers, leaders of scouts / guides / cadets / …,
  • Your siblings, cousins,
  • Friends, schoolmates,
  • Your boss, co-workers,
  • Your spouse
  • Your children, nieces, nephews, other relatives

God: It is very common for people to blame God for life circumstances or events. If you resent Him for these, you will need to forgive Him.

We all grow up on a battlefield with an enemy who wants to kill us.  That enemy is Satan, not God. God will transform every hard experience into a mighty spiritual weapon for your future victory and destiny if you will trust Him to do what He says.

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Yourself: This can be hardest of all.  The main block is pride. (I don’t deserve forgiveness.) But no one deserves forgiveness.

Are you trying to compensate for your sin by seeming to hold a high moral standard against yourself? Are you saying to yourself “The doer of that action wasn’t the real me; the one that holds the doer of that action guilty – THAT is the real me.”

We need to acknowledge our guilt and our need of forgiveness to ourselves.  We need to ask of ourselves, and then grant to ourselves, forgiveness.

13a) Third party offence.

This is where you resent someone who did something bad against someone you care about.  Your friend may not forgive that person, but unforgiveness is just as poisonous when it is about someone else’s hurt. It may be even harder to forgive if you feel pressure to hate people your friends hate.  They may pressure you to take up the offence. You don’t have to take up other people’s resentment.

Satan will use any friends or family that pressure you to hate in order to keep your heart locked in unforgiveness.

If you have taken up someone else’s resentment, you can (and need to) lay it down and leave it in the hands of God. Let God use the love He has put in your heart and your own readiness to forgive to weaken their resentment.  It may be how He will set their hearts free to know His blessings and power.  Whether or not your friend forgives, you have a life from God to live, a life of power and love. Don’t let Satan rob you of your destiny.

14) Unforgiveness is a necessary ingredient for evil to jump from one life to another.

Abusers are made by abuse, but forgiveness enables the evil to be stopped dead.

You don’t have to forgive.  You can stay in torment, with your own sins unforgiven.  Unforgiveness is like a pill people take hoping the wrongdoer will get sick. It doesn’t work that way.  Meanwhile, the person you won’t forgive is going to the mall, carrying on with life.

Forgive and set yourself free.

15) God will SO help you to forgive.

You are not alone in this.  You may think you can’t forgive, but the truth is you can forgive; you just may really not want to forgive.  The hurt makes it hard to forgive.

If you have a whole life of bad treatment behind you, this may seem overwhelming.  Where do you start?  God knows who you need to forgive first, and He will show you, and then help you. Quiet your own thoughts down and ask Him, and He’ll help you. Pay attention to what you see or hear in your heart.  If you have a believing friend, they may be able to help you work through it.

God’s Spirit – and your spirit if you are born again – so long for you to forgive, because of the blessing that opens up in your life when you forgive, and the way God can move through your life to touch others when your heart is free to love.

16) Here is a sort of form for real forgiveness.

Acknowledge the wrong: Say who did what that was wrong (or maybe did not do something they should have done that would have been right).

Acknowledge the damage: Say what happened because of what they did or didn’t do.

Forgive: Say that you forgive the person for everything and did (didn’t do).  Say that you release them to the wisdom and mercy of God, who has forgiven your sins.

Then, watch in case of resentment coming up again in your heart.  If it does, you can forgive them again, and again, and again, as often as necessary.  Your heart can be free.  Don’t settle for less than everything God has for you.

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